It’s a grey drizzly day out but that’s okay.  I’m still in my p.j.’s and I’m lounging while lazily working on the book.  I love day’s like this and it definitely makes me realize how much my life has shifted in such a short time.

Three years ago, this was my goal.  Just to be on my own without having to worry constantly about anyone else.  Just to be in a peaceful space that is my own…..

I used to think about a day like this back when my life was completely different and although it is far from where I really want it to be, I’m very grateful today  that I made it to this place.

So, I’m going to lounge some more, maybe light some candles and have some cake!  Very simple I know but this is what makes me happy at this point in my life.

What makes you feel happy and peaceful?


It started out very innocently and with the hope of having a little creative outlet outside of my writing.  I mean, it was just short bursts that you “tweet” out from your computer or cell.

It asked “What are you doing?”…..awesome! And I got to see what others were doing too!

That was two years ago

Now, the question is “What’s Happening?


Because twitter is no longer the fun creative outlet I had so much fun with in the beginning.

Now, it’s filled with  people linking to their websites in hopes of making money or promoting themselves……..OR people @@@ to other people every five minutes…or two minutes ;)……..OR the people who tweet because (and this might be a little hard to believe, haha!) they like to brag about their life and/or see their name/picture show up on the timeline.

While twitter was evolving to this level and becoming more and more popular by the day, I would sign in each day and notice the changes.

After an initial bout of being disappointed, I decided to try and adapt.  I began tweeting to people and updating a little more than I felt comfortable with.

Over this past summer I was recovering from some injuries and as a result found myself tweeting  more than I ever thought I would.  

I’d lie in bed with the laptop and have my tweetdeck running as I wrote or watched a movie.

Twitter became a sort of people watching at that time and I realized how much you  can actually learn about people.  As a writer, I have always enjoyed watching people out in public, observing how they interact with others…..and then watching their masks come off once they part from their company.

The internet (and particularly twitter) is a  kind of modern  day  people watching.  I’ve found  that people love to hide behind their monitor’s and keyboards.  I can’t count the number of times  I’ve caught a twitter buddy in a lie or exaggerating about their life.  The more interesting part to me though, is how oblivious these people are to how obvious those lies and exaggerations are!

Anyway, I digress.  As much as the internet and twitter kept me company  over the summer while I healed, I’m finding I’m no longer so curious to learn more about the strangers behind their keyboards.  After taking a step back recently, I realized the most important thing of all about  the internet and the addiction of twitter.  Quality is A LOT more important than quantity.

It’s not about blogging(or vlogging) every day or tweeting every hour.  What you put out there on the internet will come back to you in quality and quantity. 

I had to step back and ask myself who I wanted to surround myself with.  When a fellow writer “follows” me, it’s nice to know that they aren’t just wanting me to follow back out of common interest only to unfollow me two days later and hope I don’t notice. 

Is this the kind of world the land of twitter is?  I personally have found that the answer is unfortunately a big fat YES!…..IF you’re not careful with who you surround yourself with.

This is why I’m taking a step back from the internet.  I realized recently that no one will miss my tweets.  Heck, they will probably just unfollow me if they find me no longer active for a certain amount of time.  Why?  Because I’m obviously not looking at THEIR tweets.   I know it’s not like that in regards to everyone but I’m finding they are few and far between and I need to find more of them!

So yes, I will still surf into twitterland now and then but I will mostly try and provide more quality to this blog and my professional writing.

And now I’m off to do some people watching… know, old school style  😉




I thought I’d go ahead and put this out there and if even one person reads it and it makes their journey smoother then that’ll be wonderful.  Actually, if no one surfs away from these words, taking anything from them…..then at least I know I put them out there with the best of intentions.

Okay, so here goes!

My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer many years ago and given only three months to live.  Long story short, I was too young to lose my Dad at that time and I was scared beyond belief.  Everyone else in my family had just taken what a doctor diagnosed and did nothing more but doing what that doctor advised for treatment.

I realize that there are so many other people out there who do the exact same thing but I just don’t understand how you can sit back regarding your life!

Anyway, that’s when my journey got VERY bumpy because it was me against the rest of my family who didn’t understand alternative treatments and the power of the immune system when strengthened.

Here’s what I did:  I found Essiac Tea on the internet and ordered it immediately.  I chose the one out of Crestone, Colorado because they have the authentic recipe from the nurse who created the herb combination.  I was working against the clock so I got the pre-made bottles  for my Dad to take until I could get all the supplies to make the homemade version. 

Then, I did non-stop research on what will strengthen the immune systemMy Dad continued his chemo while taking the Essiac, some IP6, Co-Q10, multi-vitamins and some stuff called MGN-3.  All I have to say is thank goodness we were also best friends and he knew how deep I research things!  He was taking a bunch of chemical pills along with chemo to kill his immune system so he didn’t want to take all the immune boosters.  It tested our friendship at the worst possible time.

I wish I could say I thought positive thoughts through this whole initial ordeal but I was surrounded by negativity.  That negativity was also trying to talk my Dad out of taking the things that were his only hope of healing him.  I had done my research and knew there was absolutely NO danger of mixing his meds with these immune boosters but yet there was constant fights and struggles.  There were times when my Dad would just tell others he wasn’t taking the immune boosters just for a little peace!

But that was a lesson learned for me, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.  I just thought I was dealing with a bunch of ignorant, stupid people while I was trying to keep my Dad alive.

So, even though I WAS staying positive by having hope and helping my Dad fight until the very end, I also walked around in constant fear and anxiety.  Every time  I drove home from work or school, I wondered what I would come home to.  Who did my Dad talk to while I was gone and did it send him into a depression while he was trying to heal?

I’m not trying to bash my family. My point in writing about this journey in healing is that it’s not just my family who reacts this way when encountering something as serious as cancer.  There are people who just accept things they are told and live with it even though they don’t want to.  I can’t count the number of times I’ve told someone about Essiac tea and IP6 and they have chosen not to take it or tell a family member battling cancer about the benefits. 

There have also been times when I’ve told people and they have been very receptive and appreciative for the input.

Long story shorter, my Dad dug himself out of the hole and lived to see ten plus years of sunshine and flowers.  The Essiac was cut off and it was still a battle to get him to take the IP6 during those years but that was another lesson learned. 

I learned that I can’t force a person to do something they don’t fully believe in.  A lot of time had passed since he was called “The Miracle Man” by his doctor’s when he went into remission three months after diagnoses instead of into the ground.

And he was old.  I’ve had the pleasure of being born to older parents who have shared so much of their wisdom with me regarding life and people so yes, we were able to talk and know when it was time to step back.

Long story shortest, I took the final step back and moved to another state.  A year later with barely any immune boosters the cancer came back and pretty much only chemo and pain pills were taken.  The end came fast but we were all prepared.  It’s a fight…..a definite fight but one worth fighting.  And I think( if it makes anyone feel better), that a person knows when they are done fighting and at that point, they will be at peace with it.

Cancer continues to be such a mysterious disease to so many that I personally think it’s worth trying as much as possible as long as it’s been proven to not be dangerous.  There are alternative treatments out there that are risky but it’s all a matter of choice. 

One last thing to end with that I have to add in there!

Liquid stabilized oxygen has been found to be very beneficial for killing cancer.  The more oxygen you have in your bloodstream, the less cancer can survive.  See?  I can’t stop researching and having hope for other people.  The journey never really ends once it begins.  🙂

This might not have been the most organized or well written post but hopefully it helped someone.  If anyone has any questions, please feel free to contact me:

So I’ve realized recently how hard it is for me to stay  focused.  I know why and always have.  It has to do with how stressed out I am and for the past year I’ve been REALLY stressed.  As a result, my life has gone into a very speedy, grumbling, swirling downward spiral.

Yep, about as speedily as this ball of ice would melt in the dry arid desert!


Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can push through the freeze.  The freeze is what I do when I’m emotionally stressed.  A lot of other people have this same problem and so far the only solution I’ve come up with is to just continue the best you can.

For me, that has meant sometimes only getting  the most important

things taken care of.  If I were doing everything I was supposed to right now, I’d be very busy indeed but alas, it’s not happening!


Oh how I would love to be one of those people who get more things accomplished under stress.

I’ve stood by and watched those kinds of  people and they just fascinate me.  I mean, what exactly do they do in order to stay focused no matter what?

I guess in a way, I’m sort of putting myself and this problem out there for some feedback.  For example, if I’ve had a stressful day or have been around low energy manipulative people, I just do what I absolutely have to and then leave the rest for when I feel more relaxed.

Well, I’ve realized that if that relaxed day doesn’t come for five days, I won’t work on my book or organize my closet or……..the list goes on and on let me tell ya!


I just want to have everything in its place and be able to keep it that way while in the middle of a tornado of stress.


I want to be able to focus in the middle of a stress storm.


So what do you do to stay focused while under pressure?


I’m determined to push my way through this and get my life back in order!









First off, I can’t believe I haven’t written here since November! Sure am glad I mentioned ahead of time that I’m not very good at blogging  😉

So, how was everyone’s New Year’s celebrations?  Mine was the usual.  I just stayed home and did whatever I wanted…..mostly spent working on my book and just hanging out on the puter.









 I’ve grown fascinated with eggnog.  I know!  I’ve been having it mixed with warm milk at night to get me ready for bed and in the morning with my coffee as an eggnog latte.  And let me tell ya…waaaay better than what you get at Starbucks!

Without making any sort of resolutions, I’ve just promised myself that I will TRY   to stay more organized and not be so fearful of rejection.  Truth is, I probably could have had my book finished already. I’ve been changing it and editing until the cows came home.  Yeah, they arrived a long time ago and maaaan do they eat a lot!

Anyway, more on that later ( the whole fear of rejection…you know, since we all have it),  as that is a whole notha post!

Moving right along, I have my new fur baby!  His name is Jake and he came to me in the most surprising way.

I will write about that later too as that is also a whole nother story.


He’s so awesome though. I’ve never had a kitten like him before and I’m so happy to have him!




All in all, I’m hoping for the best as this new year starts off.  The year 2009 was one of the worst years of my life and I’m glad to see it go.

Fresh starts are the best, aren’t they?  Here’s to having a fresh new start and welcoming twenty ten with open arms of hope and adventure!


By the way, this really did happen.  You guys didn’t see it? 

Shooooot, you missed out!   😉

I write by sunlight too!  I’ve always just written better at night although lately that hasn’t been the case. 

I’m trying to finish a book you see.  Something I’ve been working on for quite some time now.  It was slow going at first…

Then, one day I decided to let my Dad have a look at my writing.

He didn’t have long to live at that time so it was important to me to have that final approval.

Long story short, he told me to go for it with no hesitation.  He wanted me to do what felt right with no doubts in my head as to whether I should write along certain lines or hold back.

I’ve been hesitating lately…thinking too hard I suppose and thus making changes left, right and inbetween!

I feel this pressure to not hold back yet I’m holding back, if that makes any sense at all.

Anyway, so I have a sort of writer’s block at the moment even though I know exactly what I want to write…..what I need to write. 

I sit in front of the keyboard each night and basically freeze right there.   I do other things in hopes of getting a flow started and usually that works but no dice lately.

And I have to finish…..I have to finish!

So yes, there’s been a lot of frustration lately because this book is very important to me.  It’s been something I’ve been mixing and simmering within me for several years and I finally have the time at night to make a reality.

But sometimes you have to step away from it and I like to think there’s a reason for the freeze, you know?

In the meantime, I’ll be blogging and tweetin away like a damn fool!  Heck, I’ve even been noticing the nutty frustration showing through in my twits (as I like to call them…stay tuned for my whole take on that evil internet demon that I just can’t tear myself away from 😉 )

If any of you like science fiction, you can check out my short story page here:

It is yet another creative outlet for me.  You will hopefully see some more of my work there soon.  These little side stories come to me while working on the big book.  They are nothing like the big book but I have enjoyed getting a little weird and poetic with the short storylines.

Until then, I’ll be waiting under the stars with my keyboard!  😉

Absolutely everything in life that makes us feel sad or uncomfortable can be turned around.  Summer3256331111

This picture brightened my mood when I came across it.

It might sound silly  but it really does work for me!

I’m not talking about just bringing up pretty pictures.  It’s anything that makes me feel better in a moment when I feel scared or sad. 

There’s been a lot of that lately and I’m sure I won’t escape it in years to come or…ever for that matter.


That doesn’t mean I have to let the sadness or the fear overwhelm me though.  It hasn’t been easy to focus my attention on something different when in the middle of a crisis but is has to be done!  It’s essential in fact!



No matter what’s going on in your life, picture positivity every chance you get!

If you get dumped, go for a walk and breathe in the fresh air.

If you lose your job, buy yourself a special treat and take a few days for yourself before even thinking about looking for another one.

If you’re not feeling well, rest your body while putting your attention on happy and funny things!



 Whatever obstacles are placed in front of you in life, find a way around them or better yet, blow them out of your reality!

Grab your life in your hands and hold your palace…or paradise there firmly.

My point is, it’s okay to cry and freak out when life deals you a bad hand.  Lately, I’ve been taking those tears and reminding myself that it’s time to turn my back on them.  I do something fun, even if it’s watching something on television or writing in this blog. 

Get it?  I’m not ignoring the problem, I’m refueling!

What do you do to refuel?


P.S.  I hope I’m not sounding all LOA or anything.  This is not the vibe I intended.  If anyone wants to know my views on that or wants me to write a blog on it, let me know because I do indeed have an opinion on it.  🙂


I was in the grocery store the other day and walked past a lottery machine.  I had never purchased from a machine before so  I turned around to put a dollar in only to find it already lit up and ready.


As I looked around quickly like I was doing something wrong  it occurred to me that if it wasn’t me that got the free ticket, it would be the next person but…was it meant for me?

I’ve known so many people over the years that have repeated the words “It was meant to be”  whether it was something good or bad that happened.



I’ve been wondering a lot about the fate of people in general.  What I mean is, there might be another person somewhere that walks by a lottery machine with a dollar left behind, presses the button and it actually prints out the winning ticket for them. 


It would be easy for them and  those close to them to think it was meant for them to be in that store at that time and say “it was meant to be.”

But was it?

This question could be debated until the world ends (2012? …hehehe) but this is one of the things in life that can really never be proven.


This life can be so wonderous and intricate in it’s beauty.  It can be so huge and over populated in places and in others seem so small and desolate.  There are worlds within worlds on this infinitely mysterious planet that no matter where the answers hide, I will always enjoy the search.

jackluvsazndeek17 Do you believe in fate?

Lately, I’ve been trying to focus on enjoyable things.  My favorite t.v. shows are being watched  (or at least played as background noise while I write), more attention is being paid to what I wear, and I try to take time out to have fun every single day. 

Here’s what I’ve been enjoying lately:


Trying different things out with my appearance.  It’s really been quite fun!  Even little things like having less layers cut in my hair to see how it grows out or a different shade of eye shadow.


I also have so many clothes that I’ve been taking time out to wear things I’ve just had sitting in my closet.  It’s so easy sometimes to just wear jeans and a sweater but it’s really been brightening my mood to take the extra time out.






Discovering what’s really important in life and doing what I love!






Deciding when and where I will be adopting a new kitten!  I’m so excited about this because I haven’t had a kitten in so long but I know I have  to take my time and find the right new family member to adopt.  He or she has to be compatible with Miss Jewel(who loves cats, BTW!) but I know she will enjoy watching a little fluff ball running around the house too!

creative-furnitures-04Most importantly, I have been taking time out for myself for the first time in a long time.  Even though I’ve been forced to due to injuries, it’s still teaching me an important lesson that I will practice for the rest of my life.  

What are you enjoying right now?

Last night I lay in bed thinking about what this day would bring.  For the past year, my whole life has seemed to be up in the air.  Things I never thought I’d have to deal with have been popping up to greet me.

New Day

Sometimes it seems that no matter how much I try or how much I do……………

Well, you know where I’m going with this.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not whining or complaining.  Even though I’ve met challenges I never thought I would lately, I’m actually proud of myself.

I still get anxious some nights.  I wonder if  the light of day will bring me something that will turn things around or…not.  I wonder what more I can do but something occurred to me last night.

Life is too short to stay up at night worrying about what the sun will bring.  The only thing we all can do is greet each day with gratefulness and hope.  In a way, I guess I made a promise to myself last night.  I’m not going to run away from tomorrow.  I wouldn’t be able to anyway so why not run towards it full speeed ahead?  What will be will be and when the sun shines through the curtains each morning, it’s a gift.  A gift of a brand new day.